Sunday, February 27, 2005

Let's try this again, shall we?

Ok, I'm gonna try to do this "getting to know me" thing without the "got lost in thought, made a wrong turn and couldn't get back" stuff happening again.

Ok, let's see.....only child blah blah blah,
didn't see snow yadda yadda yadda,
alrighty......we now resume our regularly scheduled programming.
I'm normally a very happy and easy goin, laid-back kind of guy,
which is a very good thing, because I'm the size of most NFL defensive linemen....6'6'' and 315 or so. I never tore up my knees too bad, so don't let the size fool you, I'm still quicker than the average 10 yr. least MY 10yr. old. (Reminds me of the joke about the two guys walking through the woods who come across a grizzly bear, the one guys asks "can we outrun a grizzly bear"? The other replies "I don't have to outrun him, I just have to outrun YOU!")
The things that can turn me into a Very Large Angry White Male or *VLAWM* as is commonly referred to here in these parts are.....

Inconsiderate people. (one of my favorites....if you are the kind of prick who blindly goes through life fucking up everyone elses program because you are too self-involved to give a shit about anyone else, I will go OUT OF MY WAY to call you on it, IN PUBLIC, so that everybody who has had to endure your shit, will get a chance to hear you get your come-uppance. I LIVE to do that kind of shit, so keep it up mr. and mrs. dickhead, your day is coming fast.)

Rudeness....(see above)

Anyone who is mean or cruel to children, animals or the elderly. If you want to spank your child, Hell, even beat that ass right slap clean off the frame (which I had to do once to the 10yr. old when he was 9....but I haven't had to hardly raise my voice since then...hmmmm......lasting peace through superior firepower??? Could be) or get a little cranky with Mr. Crabtree down the street cuz he doesn't keep his big fucking droolin' ass marmaduke dog, who shits the size of a volkswagen outta yer yard, then by all means, go ahead.

But if you are the kind of guy who is in such a hurry, that he lays on his horn and scares the terrified shit outta somebodys little bitty hunched-over grandma as she tries to creep from the parking lot to the store in front of him. Then I will calmly block your car with my big ass American-made Chevy truck. Walk over to your imported POS fart-can trunk thumper and snatch your cocky little whigger punk ass up by the scruff of your neck, as the stark realization begins to dawn in your eyes, that you are about to get your ass fucking KICKED after I drag you into the store, IN FRONT of a shitload of people, and go find the little old lady (who didn't get far....she had the "little old lady 2inch step" thing just a scuttlin and "coerce" an apology outta you before returning you to your car with the understanding you will never EVER do that shit again.
(I got a standing O for that me feel kinda silly, to tell you the truth. But I guess there are alot more people fed up with the day to day uncivility we live in nowadays than I realized)
I'm telling you, shit like that turns me into the poster boy for the fucking politeness

I'm also the guy you're gonna see on an overpass someday with a .50 cal full-auto browning mowing down idiots doing the speed limit in the fast lane on (man, just the THOUGHT of that makes me all happy in my pants!!!) YOU!! YOU IN THE FAST LANE!!!!.....MOVE THE FUCK OVER OR DIE!!!! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (as I unload belt after belt of .50 cal ammo.....*sigh* good times...good times)

wow, I need to switch to was too much fun on a Sunday morning.