Friday, February 18, 2005

Where have you gone, Joe Dimaggio?


The modern professional athlete. What a joke. When I was a kid, athletes were the good guys. They were the guys that encouraged you to eat healthy, drink your milk, get plenty of rest and exercise, and to listen to your mom. Nowadays, Carmelo Anthony encourages you to beat the shit outta anybody who snitches out the local drug dealer. Nice, innit? Oh, and Ron Artest? Now that's what I want to teach my kids, If somebody "disrepects" you ("Punkass bitch threw ICE on me? I gots to kill a muthafucka now, boiiiiiiiii") attack EVERYBODY. Kobe Bryant? Where do I start? Latrell "the choker" Sprewell? If the coach is hard on you son, you don't have to listen to him, just strangle him. Then, wait a few years, and pitch a bitch about how hard it is to "feed your family" on $14,625,000. A year. Fucking spoiled, pampered, bitchy little pussies. When the NBA finally goes the way of hockey due to lack of fan interest(read: all the white people finally get fed-up and quit watching), you'll know exactly where the blame lies.

THEN, there's Major League Baseball. These jerkoffs have fucked up my beloved American pastime to be damned. "Now looka here son, if that there pitcher thows a pitch you don't like, you just charge right on out there and commence to whuppin' on his ass." Every father in America might as well be telling that to their kids, cuz that's what our kids are learning from watching a modern day professional baseball game. (Just FYI, if I would have ever been able to realize my childhood dream of becoming a major league pitcher, not only would I have been the first pitcher in baseball history to charge the batters box, I would have thrown at Barry Bonds' head in the on-deck circle (not to mention the batters box and probably the goddamn dugout), I fucking HATE that smug, 'roid-ridden' piece of shit.)

See, I have this theory about sports nowadays. Major athetics no longer encourage "team principles." Look at the NBA. It used to be that in the team sports, the best TEAM won. You know, encourage values like teamwork, sacrificing for the greater good, working harder than your competition. Beating them any way you could. As a TEAM. Hmmmm, I wonder how many corporate success stories are based on those very same ethics and values. Now in the NBA, it's clear out and let *insert superstar prima-donna of choice* make a beautiful acrobatic, athletic move and either dunk the ball, hit a beautiful jumper, or miss the shot and turn and glare at the officials like they just heard the "N" word in an Alabama Evangelical Church. Very entertaining at times, but it encourages nothing but selfishness.

And that's why I'm so fucking pissed off about all this shit. There is rarely anything about the modern day athlete that INSPIRES. I want my sons to be able to have sports heroes, just as I did as a kid. But, unfortunately there just aren't too many.

Thank God for Tom Brady and LeBron James.

(until the day when we find out Brady is gay and LeBron is hooked on crack)

I'm whiskytangofoxtrot, and I just want to be able to watch a game with my boys without having to explain why somebody is being led away in fricken' handcuffs. Is that so much to ask?